The universe conspires with us and brings to us practices that nurture, heal and ground us, allowing us to feel useful and nurturing, and they show up in the most interesting of situations.
I have always have had romantic and gentlemanly tendencies coiled into a motherly nurturing, best friend who always has your back vibe; and if you are near me, it is available to you if you desire it whether you are my lover, my friend, a stranger, family, or even something in nature. I even do my best to care for “objects” (I can barely call them objects, I want to call them by their true name or at least animated items.)
I have leaned towards etiquette and all things caring and gentlemanly, wrapped up in practicality and ingenuity dripping with grace and flow. Romantic I know.
Strong and sweet feels like heaven to me when I hold it well. When I don’t hold it well, it becomes self-righteous, irritable, lost, and predatory. I don’t like that part, I have often avoided it but through the experiences I have had in my life, I came back to an orientation of me, and my good sense and love for the tending that comes with a heart that nurtures. I adore my gallant side, chivalrous and true. I truly tend to it because it adds such richness, grace, balance and true care and tending to the world; I believe we are meant to be tender and resilient.
I also believe we are meant to be intimate with others, for the sake of goodness, for the sake of a beautiful flow, for we really are all one. I have learned to tend to my needs as gallantly and as beautifully as I do the universe outside of me. I have had to realize the gift of me, the universe in me as no better or worse than the world I was witnessing outside of me. I needed to court life and all of its incarnations and creations in order to court me and to fall deeply for my incarnation.
It is just as blessed to hold my boundaries of what I truly want to do in tending in life, for others and for myself. If do not stay true to my truth of my process in all of it, I crumble. And that light that I so freely was able to share with others is removed from the world of possibilities and example. It gave me great shame to remove myself from the world that which was good I had to offer, and it was a true shame that the light of me needed to fade or disappear because I was hurting on some level; but mostly it was because I allowed my self care to slip below what is required to truly love others and be of service.
It has taken years of pain and avoidance to allow that truth to come to me. I don’t hide my light anymore, or my limitations, I’m human. I require reminders from me and from others of what is important and true and good, and how I am and want to be in the world.
I am messy, wild. Sometimes I am focused, sometimes fractal. Sometimes I am fearless, other times I am terrified and walk with my fear even though my legs shake and my throat quivers. I keep trying. When I lose myself from time to time, life shows up and brings me reminders of who am. This shows up in the form of kindness, or illness, protagonists, friends, “coincidences” and what sometimes is undeniable soul guidance and clearly laid out help by powerful “others.”
I am fiercely in love with life and all the blessing of joy and tenderness this planet has to offer. In love might not even cover it. I am smitten! When the eyes in me hold wisdom and the view of an excited child, life is so full and rich, and has such depth. Exquisite.
I am boundless in my protection and service of self and others, not because I have to be but because I like to be. I’m good at it, and it adds to the flow of a life worth living.
I utilize an array of practices to help me always remember who I am, because when I sit with myself, in the spaces in-between the breath of life, I am there, and I am listening to the self that knows how to be impeccable. In that place all of life and its beauty talks clearly to me, and I listen.